The pandemic has changed a lot of things for all of us including our friendship dynamics. Find out how our hosts Dalal, Joshua, Pooja and James dealt with these changes and made new friends while balancing everything else!
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Speaker1: [00:00:05] Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of Tea with Gen Z. The podcast where we discuss the candid student life. My name is James and today, Cohosting with me at some of my friends.
Speaker2: [00:00:22] Hello, guy. To be back.
Speaker3: [00:00:24] What's up, guys? I'm so excited for today's convo.
Speaker1: [00:00:28] This going to be exciting. Now, we've all been friends in the show for a little while now, unfortunately. But I'm kind of curious, how long has your longest friendship gone on?
Speaker4: [00:00:38] For my longest friendship has been about nine years now. We met in school in seventh grade, and we've been best friends since
Speaker2: [00:00:48] Mine been like for 10 years. And it was I never thought I'd be friends with that person because we were mortal enemies.
Speaker4: [00:00:55] Classic story. That means two lovers, not literal lovers,
Speaker2: [00:01:02] Still going strong.
Speaker3: [00:01:05] Mine's been nine years now. We met in seventh grade and he's like a brother to me. We're still in uni together as well.
Speaker4: [00:01:13] Josh just stole my story. That's exactly what I said. Seventh grade, nine year.
Speaker1: [00:01:19] But it's the same thing. This is actually all super cute, though. Like my longest friendship has gone on for like 11 years now. And it's just really sweet how like we've held these friendships all throughout. But also, I mean that there's a reason why I ask you guys this question, because today's topic is all about friendships particularly, and pandemic friendships. I mean, look, it's undeniable that this pandemic has changed friendships completely, literally from creating new friends to maintaining existing ones and even then help friendships. And they were going to be talking about each of those points. And the first thing I want to bring up is how is the pandemic changed, making new friends now? What do you guys think?
Speaker4: [00:02:05] The people who are online taking online courses, I feel like it's way harder to make new friends because you're just in a pool with a lot of strangers and you don't know how to approach someone, especially if you're not very extroverted and just kind of chilling by yourself. It can be really intimidating to approach someone online because, you know, there's still that like fear of rejection.
Speaker1: [00:02:28] Now, that's true. The law and like compared to online, where you're forced to be in the same room and like you have no choice but to just interact online, that isn't the case.
Speaker4: [00:02:38] You have to make the big step of approaching someone.
Speaker2: [00:02:40] Yeah. And there's always the fear of what will they think or like how are they going to react? Well, they think I'm weird if I just like randomly message them. So I think it's becoming a lot harder online than pre pandemic. But a lot of people have managed to make really great friendships online as well.
Speaker3: [00:02:56] Yeah, I have like an awesome story about that. So I'm just chilling on a Friday night. I'm done with all my work and suddenly my Kalkaska group just starts pinging with messages from this one particular person. Like, guys, I don't we have homework and now I'm done with the homework. But this person's like, I need help with the homework. I don't understand this particular sub. Can someone help me? Can somebody check my answers with me? And you know, me being me, I'm a very friendly person. I like to put myself out there
Speaker4: [00:03:26] And very humble.
Speaker1: [00:03:28] Yes, I'm very friendly. I'm very
Speaker4: [00:03:31] I'm the best and know
Speaker2: [00:03:34] What I'm looking.
Speaker3: [00:03:36] But I was like, OK, I'll help hoboed. And we got to we got on a meets call. We just started talking. We started vibing. We found that we both love the show friends. And that just became a talking point for us. And to this to this day. Shout out to Vinny
Speaker4: [00:03:56] Vinnie, as in like the brains behind the podcast.
Speaker3: [00:03:59] Yeah, the brains behind.
Speaker4: [00:04:00] Oh, yeah, that's really cute.
Speaker1: [00:04:03] I still can't get over the fact that you guys bonded over math.
Speaker4: [00:04:07] Yeah, that's really nauseating. I was about to comment on that. It's kind of making fun.
Speaker3: [00:04:11] We bonded over our lack of understanding math. Guys, please.
Speaker4: [00:04:15] Ok, fine. That's something I can relate to. But still math.
Speaker1: [00:04:19] Honestly, joshua, your story is not the same as like everyone else's because you guys just went in and took the first step. But why do you guys think it's so hard for people right now to just kind of put themselves out there?
Speaker4: [00:04:31] There's that fear of rejection. You know, I feel like nobody wants to put themselves out there because they're scared of being perceived as someone who's weird or desperate. But personally, like I don't to that I just put myself out there. I text whoever I want to text and I approach someone. And if they don't give me the same energy back then, oh, well, get over. You know, that sounds really mean, but it's just how you have to be, especially in online, because the climate's online are harsher than they are in reality. So you really have to put yourself out there and approach someone. You've got nothing to lose.
Speaker2: [00:05:04] I think it's partly online, but it's also easier online in a way, if you look at it, because even if they react to you in a negative way, you can't see their reaction. So you don't actually feel the embarrassment and they won't
Speaker4: [00:05:14] See you crying.
Speaker2: [00:05:16] They're all yeah, if you were directly setting, you're like, oh, my God, that be suprem read. The screen provides anonymity.
Speaker4: [00:05:24] There's also a chance that you never see that person again, by the way, because like you might not take a class with that person again, or they might not remember you because it's hard to like match the face with the online personality. And that's so true. That's something that I'm dreading when I go back. Like what if someone approaches me and they remember me and they're like, I'm going to remember to take that? And I'm like, I have no idea who you are. Yeah. Toby, so embarrassing.
Speaker3: [00:05:46] Or we could they could find and be like, that's still the kid who texted me like, do you want to talk?
Speaker4: [00:05:51] Oh, no, don't say that.
Speaker1: [00:05:52] No. Yeah, but that's the thing, though. Nobody thinks of it that way. The truth is, like we're all trying to make friends and so we're just waiting for someone to make the first move. And it's better if it's just you who does it. Like, literally, I have stories of new friends I made and it all started with like a random. You know, they're like, oh, I heard that you like this or I heard you like that. And like, we've never spoken before, but, you know, now we're kind of close. And I think that's how friendships start. I think you really should just put yourself out there.
Speaker4: [00:06:20] Exactly. That's why I can be really difficult for people who haven't been able to make friends on campus to transition to online. But there's a lot of friendships that you have from when you were on campus.
Speaker1: [00:06:31] That's true. I mean, I feel like those existing friendships, pretty pandemic. They've changed a lot, though. I'm wondering, have you guys noticed any big changes with the friendships you've had before?
Speaker3: [00:06:42] I think when the pandemic hit, we were all in school and we went from seeing each other every minute of the day to like complete isolation one day. And we were all so petrified at that point. But me being me, I took the big step and I used to like organize meats cause once a week and be like, guys, let's talk. Let's. Yet that stink touch, because I didn't want to lose that connect that I had with my friends that we had we that we had built up over all those years. So I actually put in the effort to keep talking to them every day and checking up on them, seeing if they're doing OK and stuff honestly.
Speaker1: [00:07:19] After a while, I feel like we have the same exact story. Like moving online was difficult because the thing is, you see each other every day. You spend all your time together and all of a sudden you're just a part. Like that's a stark difference. And honestly, like I had a hard time kind of transitioning into all of it is I'm I'm like an extrovert whose love language is physical touch and quality time. And so being on my dad is difficult, you know? And that's kind of like the natural part about being human. It's that you're overthinking everything. So all of a sudden I'm like, wait, it's a friendship that I have with these people the same. Are we still friends? Do they not like me? Is it something I did? Like you start overthinking. And the real thing that I did was just kind of communicate, because I think that is so important in strengthening existing friendships. You just need to kind of talk to the people that you care about and tell them these are the things I'm looking for in a friendship. And this is something that you are looking into as well.
Speaker4: [00:08:27] The biggest dynamic changed from online friendships versus real life friendships is that when you have a real life friendship in a university environment where school environment, you're forced to see that person every day. So you think that that person is genuine when they ask about how your day was or when they approached you to talk to you, but when you were online and these things don't happen. It's kind of like a red flag. You realize that, oh, maybe maybe the person I am texting every day won't text me if I don't text them. And I feel like, James, you mentioned that you felt like there was a lot of pressure where you were constantly communicating with your friends and they weren't necessarily reciprocating the same energy. And that's something that a lot of people can relate to. I feel like especially me like except that I'm the opposite. I didn't necessarily always reach out to my friends. I just wanted to be alone.
Speaker1: [00:09:18] I mean, that's the thing. We're all pretty different and we have our own unique styles. But again, it goes back to communicating. I feel like once you're able to talk it out. I mean, here's the thing. The pandemic has also strengthened existing friendship. Like in a lot of ways, I feel like I've grown closer to some of my friends. And the thing is, the dynamics definitely changed, but I'd say it changed for the better. You know, after communicating our needs, like we start to get in touch more often, know we would get on calls. We would play games. You used to spend time with each other. And I think there's even this point where we had an ongoing call for, I think, almost 24 hours, where we had literally just nonstop conversations and it was fine. That was another way that we connected.
Speaker4: [00:10:01] But with that being said, I feel like it's unfair to expect that from all of your friends. Like. Twenty four hours is a lot. It's a lot. And you can lose track of time. You can forget to do the things that you need to do during your day, like, for example, like if you're on a call for 24 hours, you could forget to like clean your bed. You can forget to eat. You could forget to talk to people in real life. Take your eyes off a screen. These are some things that people were constantly doing during the pandemic to distract themselves from the loneliness that they were feeling. And when they were talking to other people, it felt like they weren't doing anything bad. But at the same time, you kind of need to be OK with just chilling and doing your daily tasks without talking to anyone.
Speaker1: [00:10:43] Yeah. I mean, I do want to interject and say that all like I agree, you can't expect this from everybody, but that's where it comes down to you with the right people. And after communicating things, some people need this and some people that strengthens their relationship. And again, it's not something that you expect from just anybody. So I agree with you on that one. The truth is, not all friendships are strengthened during this pandemic. Some of them kind of deteriorated. Some people have grown apart. And that's also something that the pandemic has changed when it comes to friendships.
Speaker2: [00:11:18] I think that's where the pandemic sort of like exposed our character. I know that does sound rather dramatic, but because so many of us have such different priorities. Like for some person ranting their worries, you know, 24/7 on a zoom call with friends like James had might be their priority. But for some people, they find it easier to just shut them off from the world and, you know, be on their phone all day. So I think when you're friends with like polar opposites and makes it really difficult and I went through like a friendship breakup where I just sort of like drifted away from the person. I mean, I would try to. So when I put like a lot of effort into messaging that person and they wouldn't reply, I was like, OK, maybe the person has something going on. Maybe they have some issues. Let's give them the space. But then it became to a point where they seemed to be OK with everyone else, but they were just awkward with me as if we weren't even friends ever before. So at that point, I started to thing because like people overthink a lot and it's not your fault, but you just keep on thinking about it. And no matter how much you try to let go, it just stays in your mind. But then what? What I think at the end of the day, they might have like, you know, it's not just on your side. They might have issues as well. And you have to give them your space. Well, when it's affecting you too much, you have to learn to let go because you have to prioritize yourself. You're the only one who knows you the most.
Speaker4: [00:12:55] But Pooja, you know, when you you mentioned you went to a friendship breakup right now. Do you think that that was the right thing to do or do you feel like you wish you held on to that relationship?
Speaker2: [00:13:07] So throughout that, you know, drifting apart thing, I had another friend who was so like super supportive and understanding of what I was going through. And I felt like, wow, she's the right person for me, you know? I mean, we were always friends, even on campus, but our friendship strengthened so much through this. And she will always say the things that was just right for me and that I could relate to, and she made it so easy. I think I just sort of realized that you need to choose your friends according to, you know, what what is right for you. And with the whole friendship breakup thing, the person who had drifted away from their perfectly happy right now. And I'm also like much happier than if we had continued being friends, because I've let go of like the whole toxicity and the overthinking every time is me. Is that that person? So I think it's much better. And my mind is like more clear now.
Speaker1: [00:13:59] I think that's a good point that you touched on Tujia, because most people, when they hear friendship break up, they think it has to be negative, that it ends in two heartbreaks and that you can't recover from it. But I feel like the truth is it is healing. You know, it's very therapeutic to be able to add closure to something that wouldn't benefit both of you guys. So I think that was great at this friendship breakup resulted in just peace of mind for both people.
Speaker2: [00:14:27] So I just want to let everyone know that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. It takes a long time because it's a friendship. You're shared so many memories together. It's not going to disappear in a day. Also, there's not a big moment when you realize, oh, my God, a friendship is over. It's like an evolution. It's sort of slowly deteriorate over time. And you can try to build it back, but sometimes you've got to prioritize yourself. I mean, all the time you got to prioritize yourself, because if you don't take care of yourself, who else will? So give yourself time and just let go when you know you need to
Speaker4: [00:15:00] Put it that something really important that you mentioned, because throughout the pandemic, a lot of people were struggling with mental health issues, me included. And it was really difficult to adjust to this new norm that we were living in. I personally really like going out and being with friends, so when that privilege was taken away from me during the pandemic, I struggled a lot to be at peace with being alone and sitting in my room and not having anything to do. And although. I struggled at the time, I realized it was a journey I needed to be OK with being alone sometimes and not relying on my friends to constantly smother me and ask me, hey, how are you? How's everything? So I kind of didn't have any expectations for anyone. And I hope that nobody had any expectations from me because I was really figuring out who I was outside of university, outside of school, outside of my friends, because that was the first time since I really, really long time where I was just completely alone with my thoughts. And it was really therapeutic to learn who I was.
Speaker1: [00:16:03] Well, I think that that is something a lot of people can probably relate to, I feel like sometimes people are too afraid to be alone with their own thoughts, and so they kind of just sit out with friends at this direction. But I think it's also important to balance the two. So, yes, you can rely on friends, but also to be a fix for how you really feel and to be okay with yourself, too.
Speaker4: [00:16:31] That's not to say that I did not talk to my friends at all. Of course I did. And of course, I had the occasional zoom call with them. And as I mentioned before, guys, I'm a One Direction fan and happened to be their 10 year anniversary during quarantine. So I had like a zoom party with my friends. We dressed up, we got cake and celebrate it together. So I wasn't completely alone and isolated from the rest of the world. But I would have a lot of days where I would not touch my phone at all, where I didn't want to touch my phone and just have a mental health day for myself. Just chilling and really thinking about my priorities in life and planning out the future and understanding who I was as a person and what I needed from different people. And that helped me realize that, hey, maybe this person that I thought was really close to me or I thought I needed is not that important to me anymore. And I don't need to put that much effort in our friendship anymore. And yeah, I could say that my mental health is a lot better right now, thanks to that journey that I was experiencing. And I'm surrounded by people who I love and people who love me. And I'm really grateful for that.
Speaker3: [00:17:33] Yeah, that I can relate with you, there was some days where I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to stay alone with my thoughts and stuff and like I had to cut out some relationships that I was in as well during the pandemic. And it was it was one of the hardest things I had to do, honestly. But I also had friends who would call me after seven, seven days if I stop talking to them and be like, where are you? Why aren't you talking? Like, are you fine? And stuff. And that even finding those kind of people during the pandemic was also a big thing for me.
Speaker4: [00:18:10] So another positive friendship that I gained from the pandemic is one that I was not actually expecting. But when I was transitioning from high school to university, I gained a lot of freedom in my life, and I was finally able to make my own decisions. But I still did live with my parents. So most of the time, I wasn't home. And when the pandemic hit and I was forced to be home with, you know, my three siblings and my parents, I learned that I missed out a lot on a lot of things that happened during the time I was in university, even though I lived with them, which is weird, but. I was able to rekindle the friendship and really strengthen my bond with my siblings and my parents, and that's something that I'm really, really grateful for from the pandemic because I was able to. Connect with my family, which is the number one priority and a friendship that you will you will have for the rest of your life, you know, friends come and go, but your family is always, always going to be there.
Speaker1: [00:19:06] Yeah, the law, I mean, that's the that's the beautiful thing, too, about family, family are our friends as well. And likewise, like our friends become family. I feel like these are two things that you can't really separate as much because they're basically the same thing. So I'm happy that you've been able to kind of strengthen your friendships with your family.
Speaker4: [00:19:26] And a US has done a lot of things to help bring people together during this pandemic. There has been many movie notes that were organized by student council, and there has been game nights. And, you know, remember, one among us was a big thing. I remember there was like among US games every single week and people would go to them and meet people through them. So I think that our university did a really good job of bringing people together during this tough time, especially for new students, because Pouillon and I think James as well, we all worked as peer leaders and orientation leaders, and we were able to meet people through there. And there were events for us to reach out for new students. And there was also orientation events there. There was a movie night. There was a trivia night, and there was prizes and there was incentive for people to go. And even if someone didn't go for the sake of making friends, they indirectly wanted to and they recognized people there. You know, when you go back on campus, you could remember the person. So I think the AUC did a really, really good job of doing that.
Speaker2: [00:20:27] Ultimately, like there's a lot of opportunities to, you know, regain friends or even gain new friends. And when there's so many opportunities for you, you're sure to find your crowd. So I think at the end of the day, surround yourself with people who make you happy, whether it's family, friends, and prioritize yourselves, because you know what makes you happy and you know yourselves best. No one else can tell you that. Thank you for tuning in. See you in the next episode. And keep sipping tea with GenZ. But by investing by these guys.