Have you ever felt out of place or alone in a situation? Have you felt like someone could do a better job than you at a certain task? Join our hosts Dalal, James, and Joshua as they dissect the phenomenon known as "Imposter Syndrome," and their experiences and helpful tips along the way.
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University Counseling Services (UCS) at American University of Sharjah
Speaker1: [00:00:00] Hey, guys, just a quick disclaimer, we'll be discussing some sensitive topics, which some may find triggering. If that's not the type of content you enjoy, feel free to click away and tune in next week for our regularly scheduled content. Don't forget, the counseling services are available five days a week on campus, and they provide confidential and free sessions. You can contact them at zero six five one five two one zero zero.
Speaker2: [00:00:23] Hey, guys, and welcome to another episode of RT with the podcast where we discuss the latest topics by you and for you, I'm your host, Dalal. For today's episode, we're going to be talking about something a little bit different. I know we've already talked about mental health previously, but we're going to dive deep today and talk about the imposter syndrome. So grab your goggles, miracles or whatever you use to dive because we're about to get really personal. And just to clarify before we even get into this, we are not talking about the imposter from among us. So please, I'm begging you, do not comment on anything on Instagram to not make fun of us for this. We're not talking about among us, I promise. Join with me today. We have James and Joshua. Hey, guys, how are you?
Speaker3: [00:01:04] Hey, guys, I'm excited for today's episode because what we're talking about is super important and I can't wait to get into it with everyone. So, guys, I'm still talk about this topic and hopefully spread some awareness on it.
Speaker2: [00:01:18] Guys, I'm not going to lie. I'm really nervous to talk about this. I feel like it's such a heavy topic, but we really have to talk about it because personally, I didn't know a lot about it before. I did research for this episode, and now I'm realizing how prevalent it is and how common it is for people to experience things like that. And I had no idea that I related to most of the things that it talked about the law.
Speaker3: [00:01:43] What you said is super relatable because a lot of our audience probably don't even know what imposter syndrome is, but once we explained the definition, they might find themselves relating to it. So for audience listening right now, imposter syndrome can be loosely defined as this internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. So maybe you're part of an organization or a group, and deep down, you feel like you're not competent or that you're not up for the task at hand and that you're pretending to be someone that you're not and you're constantly worried that you don't belong or that you might be exposed. Is this something that you guys have experienced before?
Speaker2: [00:02:23] For sure, it's kind of crazy to talk about because it's such a. It's such a heavy thing to feel, and it's such a scary way to describe it in a way, but I definitely relate and I definitely have experiences where I felt like I was not being myself or I was putting on a different persona or I was a fraud like you would describe it.
Speaker3: [00:02:46] Yeah, I also I think that I've experienced it, but I didn't know how to exactly describe it. But when I was doing research for this topic, I, I realized that I've experienced it for most of my life, not fitting in, trying to act like I'm fitting in and then failing.
Speaker2: [00:03:03] And then it's just a very heavy emotion at the end of the day. Exactly. Joshua, I've been experiencing this for many, many years and I didn't know what it was. I thought I was being crazy. I thought I was just being delusional. But it turns out that it's a real thing that people feel. And it's not just me. And that's very comforting to know that it's not just you who goes through things like this. This episode is going to be really deep, but I think it's important for us to get vulnerable and to discuss these things, because when you talk about it and when other people hear you talk about it, they know that it's OK to feel this way. So I definitely think that we should talk about this.
Speaker3: [00:03:41] Exactly. Well, I have a question. When you felt like you have this imposter syndrome, can you kind of associate this to certain instances like it's there? Are there certain times that you know this, this imposter syndrome feeling happening more?
Speaker2: [00:04:00] The biggest example I can give was my senior year of high school, when I was a senior in high school, I was doing the IB program and the way the IB program works is that you're predicted a few grades before you go into your final exams, so your teachers predict what you're going to get based on your performance in the past based on how you're performing in the class and so on. So I was predicted really high. And I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging, but I was just predicted really high. And when finals came around and results came around, I did not achieve what I was predicted. And when that happened, it was so shocking to me because I felt like I was fooling someone. I felt like I was putting on an act where I fooled these teachers into thinking I could achieve something that I didn't. And for a really long time, I blamed myself for setting such a fake person or setting such fake expectations to people and letting them believe that I was able to do something I really did not achieve.
Speaker3: [00:05:05] So the law, what you're saying is that you feel like you've been deceiving people into thinking that maybe you were quote unquote smarter than you actually are. Is that kind of the feeling that you had?
Speaker2: [00:05:14] Yes, exactly. I felt like I was lying or, like you said, deceiving my teachers into thinking I was someone I wasn't and that I was really smart and really had my stuff together. Obviously, circumstances change and in my example or in the context of my situation. Final year of school, especially your final exams, there's a lot of pressure on you to achieve or to get really high grades, and there are a lot of factors that go into this. So looking back at it now, I can say that my grades did not reflect who I was as a person. I didn't get bad grades. I was lucky I got good grades, but I just didn't get what they wanted from me. And the reason why I thought I didn't is because I thought I had fooled them into thinking I was someone I wasn't. The truth is, there's other factors that go into your grades like, for example, the person grading my paper probably could have had a bad day and didn't want to give me a good grade. Perhaps I genuinely just didn't perform good on that test. Perhaps there was other factors that could have impacted this, and it took me a lot of time to realize and accept that. And I'm really lucky that I did, because now I'm more comfortable in who I am and I know what my expectations are for myself and in university, I've been lucky to achieve what is expected for me from other people.
Speaker3: [00:06:39] So I think you touched on something that's super important when you mention that you are not your grade. And I feel like a lot of times we say this out loud, but we don't really internalize this. I can see how easy this sometimes for people to attach their identity in terms of their achievements. So if your whole life you've been getting a certain grade, you can take on that persona and you can call yourself an academic like, yes, I'm an academic, I'm Booksmart, I can do this and that and that what happens is like, as you mentioned, sometimes you have an off day, sometimes things happen and you don't hit what you normally hit all of a sudden. That's when I feel this imposter syndrome kicks in. Suddenly, you start doubting yourself. Like, was everything in the past just a lie? Was it just a trick? And that's why I think it's important to not just base our identity solely on our accomplishments and achievements. Sure, they're part of our story, but they don't define us completely.
Speaker2: [00:07:37] James, the way you describe that was just impeccable 10 out of 10. I think it's important to note that the imposter syndrome is not something you only experience in an academic environment. There's definitely other environments where you can feel it. For example, like social environments or just personal basis. So there's other instances where you can feel the imposter syndrome. It's not just in a school or university environment
Speaker3: [00:08:01] That you're bang on like times. I felt impostor syndrome. It's always been around my friend circle. So whenever I start comparing myself to my friends, I keep thinking that, Oh, he's doing so much with this life. She's doing so many things with friends. They're having a four GPA or they're getting great grades in school. And like when I see myself with my average grades and like not doing so many extracurriculars, I tend to feel out of place in that circle and it really, really sucks sometimes. Once I figured out this is who I am, this is what I can do, and when I stop comparing myself to others, it really helps me out a lot.
Speaker2: [00:08:42] Joshua, what you're describing to me sounds like something that a lot of people can relate to, especially when it comes to the imposter syndrome. The biggest part of accepting who you are is to stop comparing yourself to people around you, whether it's in a social environment or academic environment, like I mentioned before, you just need to accept who you are, and I'm really glad that you were able to do that.
Speaker3: [00:09:03] Joshua. Josh, I'm actually really happy for you as well, and I'm glad that you realize your own value and stop comparing yourself to others. I still all mention I feel like this comparison that we have of others is definitely one of the main reasons why a lot of people have this sort of imposter syndrome. And I've actually experienced this quite recently, obviously, when we share our stories of imposter syndrome. It's not something that we think about on the daily, but it's definitely something that's crossed our minds at least once. So in my case, I recently got onboarded to this new internship that I had, and before joining, I was so confident in myself. I thought I had a stellar CV. I worked hard. I passed the interviews and I felt like I actually got in because I deserved it. But on the first week of onboarding, when I met my fellow interns and heard their own stories, I suddenly felt out of place. So here I am, a third year student and I'm interning with people who've already graduated with people taking their master's, and I'm seeing their work experience. Suddenly, there are small questions that pop up in my head like, Do you deserve to be here? Are you on the same level as them? Will you be able to perform at their level? Did you get in by luck? And it's sort of these doubts that we can classify imposter syndrome.
Speaker2: [00:10:31] James, did you feel that the reason why we're feeling this way was because you doubted yourself and your skills?
Speaker3: [00:10:37] I wouldn't put it directly as that below. I feel like naturally, I'm a confident person and I trust my own capabilities. But nevertheless, there are times when you do feel like you could always do better or you could be better, or that you're not up to the standard that you have for yourself. So I'm not going to lie. There are instances when that thought crosses to your mind. And I'd say it's perfectly normal. And I think that's one thing I do want to clarify as well. When it comes to imposter syndrome, I feel like the demographic or the picture of the person facing it is normally someone who is shy or intimidated or is not that confident with themselves. But I would argue it's actually not that black and white. I'd say that anybody can face imposter syndrome. Whether you're extroverted, you're introverted, whether you're old or young, depending on the situations that you've been through. I think that this is definitely something that people do face, and it's not something that you have to dwell in all the time.
Speaker2: [00:11:40] There are different reasons why people experience the imposter syndrome. From what we talked about so far, it's definitely obvious that there are different causes for each of our imposter syndromes, and there is a lot of reasons why people could feel this way. And I didn't really realize that perfectionism is a direct cause of imposter syndrome. When you have perfectionism issues, you always feel like you're putting on a persona in front of other people or you're fooling them because you're not achieving what you feel like you could. And that's something I did not realize and was mind blowing when I found out. I'm not going to lie. It scared me a little bit because I realized that my journey with mental health is not fully done yet. But that's OK because we learn new things every day and we learn about ourselves every day. But another reason for my impostor syndrome is the desire to meet every expectation. Everyone has a view to the maximum local. And that comes with self-esteem issues and general anxiety, and this is the main cause of my high school anxiety or high school stress that caused my imposter syndrome when my grades came out. These are normal things that people can experience, and it's OK to feel this way.
Speaker3: [00:12:57] The law, I'd like to add another type of imposter syndrome that I've personally noticed because I think it kind of relates to me as well. And this is what we call the expert. So this is when you're so used to having all the answers to any questions or being able to achieve the things that you've set yourself up to do. And then suddenly, for whatever reason, one day you just don't have the answers or you're not able to hit the mark that you've set for yourself. And all of a sudden you start to lose confidence in your ability and doubt. All your past achievements and the thing that we need to understand is that this is what makes us human. We all make errors and we all fall short at times and it's not indicative of us as a person.
Speaker2: [00:13:41] Now there are many ways in which you can deal with the impostor syndrome. Personally, the way I would go about with it and the way that helped me the most is to talk about it, to talk with other people who probably feel the same way as you do, but they just don't know it yet, or they don't feel comfortable with sharing it. And when you talk about it with others, you realize how common it can be and you feel less alone. And it definitely is something that helped me, especially today. I'm talking about it right now with you guys, with Joshua, with James, and it's helping me feel a lot more comfortable in myself. And it's starting my journey of accepting who I am. So I'm really happy about that, and I can definitely say it really helped me.
Speaker3: [00:14:24] Yeah, I completely agree with you, like talking to people is what kept me going as well when I experienced imposter syndrome. But even today talking about you guys talking about on daily basis with my best friend is like, she's really helped me out whenever I have these pangs of insecurity and like. It's it's important to talk about it, it's important to voice their opinions and not keep it hidden in yourself where it eats away at you. Thank you for sharing Joshua and all. That's absolutely true. Talking about it and vocalizing your concerns is a very practical way to overcome imposter syndrome. Now, another tip that I would like to share something that I've actually benefited from. It's by taking an outside look into the situation. Most of the times when we're facing imposter syndrome, we have this deep sense of doubt or insecurity about our own competency or about our own skill when in fact we're worried over nothing. We think that we're underperforming or that we aren't hitting the mark. But in reality, we actually are. And I think that's something that we need to process as well. That's sometimes what we see or the way that we see things might be skewed from the truth. And again, this relates back to the points that you mentioned by talking to others about it. We're able to see the bigger picture and realize that we're not actually far behind.
Speaker2: [00:15:49] I think another important thing to know is. You were the person who knows yourself the best, and when it comes to expectations from others, you should be the one who's setting the boundary and you should be the one who's setting the expectation with other people. And if these expectations are not met, which happens, things happen. Sometimes you don't meet the expectations. Sometimes you're into high energy, into low. That's normal as long as you accept it personally and you're aware of your abilities as a person, then it will probably help you feel a lot better about these bumps in your life.
Speaker3: [00:16:27] One hundred percent. Yeah, this discussion is really nice. Thank you, James, for opening up and being vulnerable along with me.
Speaker2: [00:16:36] And that brings us to the end
Speaker3: [00:16:38] Of today's episode, guys.
Speaker2: [00:16:40] That was a deep convo. I really feel like I exposed myself a little bit.
Speaker3: [00:16:46] I think we all did it. I think it's good. Sometimes we expose ourselves
Speaker2: [00:16:50] Like anyone wants to have any dirt on me. They should just listen to any of these podcast episodes and they'll have everything they need to be agreed.
Speaker3: [00:16:59] Thank you guys for listening to another episode. Make sure to follow us on Instagram at Gen-Z underscore, and we'll catch you in the next episode. Keep sipping tea with Gen Z, guys.
Speaker2: [00:17:10] Bye, guys.
Speaker3: [00:17:13] See?